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Elaine · 27 December 2007, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Don't get me started! Way back a couple months ago I started a thread about balancing career and marriage... we never have time for each other. Married 21 years.

yea, its tough...... i can understand....... its even tough for me to find time to date for the last few years as i was working 24/7 ........ its better now as i started my own practise now and i can control my own time...... maybe its time to put myself out there in the jungle ha ha

Elaine · 27 December 2007, 01:19 PM

u can say the same for me ...... some of my frens has kids and i really admire them

salute to all mums !!!!

kcmo · 27 December 2007, 01:20 PM

Yeah Elaine, MOST if not ALL of my friends have babies....guess I'm the late bloomer!

Lisa · 27 December 2007, 02:23 PM

Karis, I have an older brother - age 46 - and a sister age 50 and neither had kids. My brother is currently divorced for the second time, but he never had the interest in having kids and neither did my sister.

I guess I am sort of a rebel, because I didn't worry too much about what others thought about my not wanting kids. Most people didn't get it, but to me, when I was younger and working and basically goofing off, I knew that if I had kids I'd have to grow up and put someone else before myself. I just wasn't ready to do that. I also felt that if I ever DID have kids, I wouldn't want to put them in daycare, so I'd have to be sure we could live on my husband's salary alone. Well, when we were in our early thirties he changed careers and started medical school - so everything in our lives was on hold while we focused on his mission. We knew that eventually I could be a stay at home mom, but not until he finished school and started his internship and residency. As it was, Phoebe was born his final year of school, but I had tons of leave and vacation time from my job and just when it ran out, his internship salary kicked in.

I know what you mean that nothing is guaranteed - I remember telling my husband, "what if we have kids and they don't like me?" At this point, they do, but none has reached adolescence yet! And as adults, there's no telling - my brother hasn't communicated with anyone in the family for four years. Deciding to have kids involves some risks, for sure. Waiting is always safe.

I'm rambling a bit... sorry!

Elaine · 27 December 2007, 02:35 PM

both of u made very valid reasons for me to not have kids.
being in asia, the pressure to get married and have kids is so much stronger than in the states.

i am lucky as i never had any pressure from my folks at all.
but i am the exception more than the norm.

but even if i get married, i dont really think i want to have kids......

abigsecret · 27 December 2007, 04:53 PM

Funny subject you girls are on.... I just went and see "Juno". A movie about a 16 year old getting pregnant on her first time having sex! She considered abortion, but couldn't do it, and then decided to give it up for adoption to a couple that had been trying for 5 years to have a baby.
It's a funny, realistic, touching, and enlightening movie.

Even my husband, and 13 year old brother-in-law enjoyed it!

I've been married for almost 5 years now, and we have no children yet. We're both 27, so we have time i guess, but I think we're ready now.... we'll see what happens...

Have a good night girlfriends!

Mireyna

kcmo · 28 December 2007, 01:40 AM

Lisa, I totally agree with you....I know that if I had kids I'd want to stay home for a while, and we're not ready for that now. I have some friends who are in a position to do that and some that aren't. It's really tough. And I know it's a personal decision. Just as having kids is...

I've said the same thing to my husband about whether our kids would 'like me' or have behavioral problems, etc....not that either one of us had, but you just never know! Times have changed and the world is scary! I mean, I remember when I first heard about email! And I was a senior in high school!!!!!! These days it's all about chat rooms and freaks online! Unbelievable how things have changed!

All of my friends pretty much know I'm the 'unsure' one, and we laugh about it a lot...you'd think that seeing some of my best friends have babies would make me 'yearn' more, but it hasn't changed much. I mean, I do think it must be amazing to have this little person look at me the way I do my mom (not that that's guaranteed), but it scares me to death.

Elaine, I hear ya girl. And you're still single so you aren't 'expected' now at least to go with the flow and have kids. Enjoy it! It's definitely strange when all of your married friends start their families....we're one of the last couples left...though my husband's closest friends are mostly single. Kinda freaky.

kcmo · 28 December 2007, 01:41 AM

Gee Mireyna, now you're making me feel old! LOL!

JJ Irani · 28 December 2007, 02:24 AM

Hey ladies,

Just wait till you have some grand-kids of your own.

They are so much fun that, in fact, if I had known that, I would have had them first!!!

abigsecret · 28 December 2007, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hey ladies,

Just wait till you have some grand-kids of your own.

They are so much fun that, in fact, if I had known that, I would have had them first!!!

Goodwatch · 29 December 2007, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hey ladies,

Just wait till you have some grand-kids of your own.

They are so much fun that, in fact, if I had known that, I would have had them first!!!

JJ, this is a women only thread! If I were still a MOD I would have banned you!

Carolina · 29 December 2007, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

JJ, this is a women only thread! If I were still a MOD I would have banned you!

I guess JJ is expressing his feminine side!

Goodwatch · 29 December 2007, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carolina

I guess JJ is expressing his feminine side!

[Breaking my own rules here]. I guess you don't know him like I do. He'll do anything to chat-up women

He'll even use make-up if the occasion rises

Now I'll make like a tree from this thread

mailman · 29 December 2007, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

JJ, this is a women only thread! If I were still a MOD I would have banned you!

I can do that for you pal

Goodwatch · 29 December 2007, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

I can do that for you pal

[In an Eastwood voice] "Make my day"

Ashley · 28 December 2007, 02:29 AM

I'm a family photographer, so being around terrible kids all day is the best birth control method I could ever think of. I'm thinking I want kids around 30, definitely no later than 35 since Downs Syndrome and a load of other things happen much for frequently in the kids. But 30 is still 12 years away, I'll probably change my mind by then!!
And I know we're in a coffee shop, but I would really like a diet cherry Pepsi :)

Elaine · 28 December 2007, 03:00 AM

woah you are just 18 Ashley ?????

jezzz ... now i feel old !!!!!

and PS

ours is a coffeeshop with super powers ... it comes with all imaginable drinks ... so your diet pepsi is definitly on the menu !!!!

Lisa · 28 December 2007, 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tags_girl_

I'm a family photographer, so being around terrible kids all day is the best birth control method I could ever think of. I'm thinking I want kids around 30, definitely no later than 35 since Downs Syndrome and a load of other things happen much for frequently in the kids. But 30 is still 12 years away, I'll probably change my mind by then!!
And I know we're in a coffee shop, but I would really like a diet cherry Pepsi :)

The sight of a camera definitely and automatically brings out the absolute worst in children.

By the way, I've never been a "maternal" type and if you really want to know the truth, am not that crazy about kids in general. However, my own kids are a different story. I love them more than I could have ever imagined and think I'm a pretty decent mom. So don't worry if you aren't totally in love with kids... you'll love your own....

Carolina · 28 December 2007, 12:37 PM

Hi, girls!! Boy, take a break for a few days and look at what I miss!

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!

East Bay Rider · 28 December 2007, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

...
By the way, I've never been a "maternal" type and if you really want to know the truth, am not that crazy about kids in general. However, my own kids are a different story. I love them more than I could have ever imagined and think I'm a pretty decent mom. So don't worry if you aren't totally in love with kids... you'll love your own....

Hate to butt into girl talk but I agree completely with Lisa.
I never really knew what to do with kids and was never really comfortable with other people's kids.
But after having my own boy it's a whole different story. I spent all my time not working taking care of him. I took him everywhere with me even as an infant. We would go for walks everyday (him propped up in the wagon) and I read to him every night. I can't tell you how many hundreds of hours have been spent playing catch. Even now he's 11 and I tuck him in every night.
So you don't have to be one of those cuddly, mushy "kid people" to be a great parent. You only have to be that way with yours.

Elaine · 28 December 2007, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Hate to butt into girl talk but I agree completely with Lisa.
I never really knew what to do with kids and was never really comfortable with other people's kids.
But after having my own boy it's a whole different story. I spent all my time not working taking care of him. I took him everywhere with me even as an infant. We would go for walks everyday (him propped up in the wagon) and I read to him every night. I can't tell you how many hundreds of hours have been spent playing catch. Even now he's 11 and I tuck him in every night.
So you don't have to be one of those cuddly, mushy "kid people" to be a great parent. You only have to be that way with yours.

No worries

yea, i believe that you will have to experience it before we will truely feel the maternal (or paternal) instinct kick in .

Just that i am too afraid to take the big step.

i had sort of done it in the sence that i took a lot of responsibility in bringing up my brother ......

who knows ... anyway i am not even married so at the moment i can shout and say
"Who cares abt kids !!!!!" ha ha

Lisa · 28 December 2007, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Hate to butt into girl talk but I agree completely with Lisa.
I never really knew what to do with kids and was never really comfortable with other people's kids.
But after having my own boy it's a whole different story. I spent all my time not working taking care of him. I took him everywhere with me even as an infant. We would go for walks everyday (him propped up in the wagon) and I read to him every night. I can't tell you how many hundreds of hours have been spent playing catch. Even now he's 11 and I tuck him in every night.
So you don't have to be one of those cuddly, mushy "kid people" to be a great parent. You only have to be that way with yours.

Bill, excellent comments. Butt in any time! We love to know what the guys think, too.

Carolina · 28 December 2007, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Bill, excellent comments. Butt in any time! We love to know what the guys think, too.

Hey, Lisa - did Santa bring you anything nice for Christmas?

Carolina · 28 December 2007, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Hate to butt into girl talk but I agree completely with Lisa.
I never really knew what to do with kids and was never really comfortable with other people's kids.
But after having my own boy it's a whole different story. I spent all my time not working taking care of him. I took him everywhere with me even as an infant. We would go for walks everyday (him propped up in the wagon) and I read to him every night. I can't tell you how many hundreds of hours have been spent playing catch. Even now he's 11 and I tuck him in every night.
So you don't have to be one of those cuddly, mushy "kid people" to be a great parent. You only have to be that way with yours.

Totally agree - at least it was the same for me. I think parenthood is one of those things you can't fully understand until you experience it for yourself. Pre-children, I never could relate to the sacrifices parents made in the name of their kids (although I could appreciate the concept, I suppose). Now, I am right there in midst of it all, enjoying the ride (and sometimes hanging on for dear life!).

Oh, and good morning, girls!

Elaine · 28 December 2007, 02:59 AM

hi all

JJ Irani · 28 December 2007, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elaine

hi all

Hi Elaine,

Friday morning here 6 am and I'm having a cuppa "chai"!!

Elaine · 28 December 2007, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hi Elaine,

Friday morning here 6 am and I'm having a cuppa "chai"!!

morning JJ

me just checking in before turning in to bed :)

JJ Irani · 28 December 2007, 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elaine

morning JJ

me just checking in before turning in to bed :)

You sleepy, me wakey!!

Elaine · 28 December 2007, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

You sleepy, me wakey!!

yea boy ..... been a longgggggggggg day .......

kcmo · 28 December 2007, 03:12 AM

Eeeeks, hopefully tomorrow will be better Elaine!!! Nighty night girl!

27 December 2007, 04:53 PM	#6
abigsecret "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Real Name: Mireyna Location: s o t r Watch: your back! Posts: 2,282	Funny subject you girls are on.... I just went and see "Juno". A movie about a 16 year old getting pregnant on her first time having sex! She considered abortion, but couldn't do it, and then decided to give it up for adoption to a couple that had been trying for 5 years to have a baby. It's a funny, realistic, touching, and enlightening movie. Even my husband, and 13 year old brother-in-law enjoyed it! I've been married for almost 5 years now, and we have no children yet. We're both 27, so we have time i guess, but I think we're ready now.... we'll see what happens... Have a good night girlfriends! Mireyna __________________ #6267 He who knows no foreign language does not know his own.-Goethe

28 December 2007, 02:24 AM	#9
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,320	Hey ladies, Just wait till you have some grand-kids of your own. They are so much fun that, in fact, if I had known that, I would have had them first!!! __________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

28 December 2007, 12:37 PM	#19
Carolina "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North Carolina Watch: it, Bubba! Posts: 6,271	Hi, girls!! Boy, take a break for a few days and look at what I miss! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! __________________ . .Member #5380 .

27 December 2007, 01:19 PM	#2
Elaine Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Real Name: Elaine Location: Singapore Watch: Rodium Diamond DJ Posts: 672	u can say the same for me ...... some of my frens has kids and i really admire them salute to all mums !!!!

27 December 2007, 01:20 PM	#3
kcmo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Karis Location: USA Posts: 19,377	Yeah Elaine, MOST if not ALL of my friends have babies....guess I'm the late bloomer!

27 December 2007, 02:23 PM	#4
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	Karis, I have an older brother - age 46 - and a sister age 50 and neither had kids. My brother is currently divorced for the second time, but he never had the interest in having kids and neither did my sister. I guess I am sort of a rebel, because I didn't worry too much about what others thought about my not wanting kids. Most people didn't get it, but to me, when I was younger and working and basically goofing off, I knew that if I had kids I'd have to grow up and put someone else before myself. I just wasn't ready to do that. I also felt that if I ever DID have kids, I wouldn't want to put them in daycare, so I'd have to be sure we could live on my husband's salary alone. Well, when we were in our early thirties he changed careers and started medical school - so everything in our lives was on hold while we focused on his mission. We knew that eventually I could be a stay at home mom, but not until he finished school and started his internship and residency. As it was, Phoebe was born his final year of school, but I had tons of leave and vacation time from my job and just when it ran out, his internship salary kicked in. I know what you mean that nothing is guaranteed - I remember telling my husband, "what if we have kids and they don't like me?" At this point, they do, but none has reached adolescence yet! And as adults, there's no telling - my brother hasn't communicated with anyone in the family for four years. Deciding to have kids involves some risks, for sure. Waiting is always safe. I'm rambling a bit... sorry!

27 December 2007, 02:35 PM	#5
Elaine Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Real Name: Elaine Location: Singapore Watch: Rodium Diamond DJ Posts: 672	both of u made very valid reasons for me to not have kids. being in asia, the pressure to get married and have kids is so much stronger than in the states. i am lucky as i never had any pressure from my folks at all. but i am the exception more than the norm. but even if i get married, i dont really think i want to have kids......

28 December 2007, 01:40 AM	#7
kcmo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Karis Location: USA Posts: 19,377	Lisa, I totally agree with you....I know that if I had kids I'd want to stay home for a while, and we're not ready for that now. I have some friends who are in a position to do that and some that aren't. It's really tough. And I know it's a personal decision. Just as having kids is... I've said the same thing to my husband about whether our kids would 'like me' or have behavioral problems, etc....not that either one of us had, but you just never know! Times have changed and the world is scary! I mean, I remember when I first heard about email! And I was a senior in high school!!!!!! These days it's all about chat rooms and freaks online! Unbelievable how things have changed! All of my friends pretty much know I'm the 'unsure' one, and we laugh about it a lot...you'd think that seeing some of my best friends have babies would make me 'yearn' more, but it hasn't changed much. I mean, I do think it must be amazing to have this little person look at me the way I do my mom (not that that's guaranteed), but it scares me to death. Elaine, I hear ya girl. And you're still single so you aren't 'expected' now at least to go with the flow and have kids. Enjoy it! It's definitely strange when all of your married friends start their families....we're one of the last couples left...though my husband's closest friends are mostly single. Kinda freaky.

28 December 2007, 01:41 AM	#8
kcmo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Karis Location: USA Posts: 19,377	Gee Mireyna, now you're making me feel old! LOL!

28 December 2007, 02:29 AM	#16
Ashley "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Ashley Location: Calgary Posts: 6,967	I'm a family photographer, so being around terrible kids all day is the best birth control method I could ever think of. I'm thinking I want kids around 30, definitely no later than 35 since Downs Syndrome and a load of other things happen much for frequently in the kids. But 30 is still 12 years away, I'll probably change my mind by then!! And I know we're in a coffee shop, but I would really like a diet cherry Pepsi :)

28 December 2007, 03:00 AM	#17
Elaine Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Real Name: Elaine Location: Singapore Watch: Rodium Diamond DJ Posts: 672	woah you are just 18 Ashley ????? jezzz ... now i feel old !!!!! and PS ours is a coffeeshop with super powers ... it comes with all imaginable drinks ... so your diet pepsi is definitly on the menu !!!!

28 December 2007, 02:59 AM	#25
Elaine Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Real Name: Elaine Location: Singapore Watch: Rodium Diamond DJ Posts: 672	hi all

28 December 2007, 03:12 AM	#30
kcmo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Karis Location: USA Posts: 19,377	Eeeeks, hopefully tomorrow will be better Elaine!!! Nighty night girl!

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