Short Jokes...

[Orchi]

The guy bursts into the house and yells, "Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery for 10 million dollars!"

His wife says, "Wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care... just get the hell out."

[Orchi]

Arranging for an appointment with his doctor...

Man: "Two weeks? I could be dead by then!!!"

Nurse: "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment."

[Orchi]

Why men are so stupid?

"Well ,they spent 9 months inside a women , and when finally they are out!..They spent the rest of they life trying to get back in ..."

[Orchi]

Wife: "From now on, I want to make you very happy."

Husband: "Why? Are you leaving?"

[Robb]

[Orchi]

JJ's Girlfriend: "Why would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

JJ: "Nothing...I can't talk and laugh at the same time."

Err...No offence meant to our JJ...hmmm or to his girlfriend... Orchi

[Orchi]

"Why are hurricanes normally named after women?"

"When they come, they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car with them."

[Orchi]

Q: Why do doctors and nurses wear masks during an operation?

A: If somebody screws up, nobody will know who it was.

[Orchi]

Osama bin Laden goes to see an astrologer and asks her,

Osama: "When will I die?"

The astrologer: "You will die on an American holiday."

Osama: "An American holiday?! How do you know??"

The astrologer: "Any day you die will be an American holiday."

[Orchi]

Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in the mud.

After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it...!

[Elaine]

[Orchi]

A woman complaining to her dentist:

"it's so painful, I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."

Dentist:

"make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."

[Orchi]

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful?'" she asked him.

"The drugs are fast wearing off," he replied.

[Orchi]

Raju : Papa, what is the difference between confident and confidential?

Samy: You are my son Raju I am confident, your neighbour friend Rama also my son...is confidential.

[Orchi]

Spotted In A Classified Ad:

"Photographer setting up own business needs model, as sleeping or active partner."

[Orchi]

Viagras are like Disneyland rides - An hour of waiting for a ten minute ride.

[Orchi]

Question. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?













Answer. Erotic is using a feather ... kinky is using the whole chicken.

[Orchi]

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

[Orchi]

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

You can be sure of one thing;

Either the car is new or the wife is.

[frostie]

[Orchi]

Doctor: "Have you ever had any trouble with appendicitis?"

Patient: "Only when I tried to spell it."

[Orchi]

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.

"He died and went to heaven," she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

[Orchi]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing!

[Orchi]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

[Orchi]

Question: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Answer:












Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

[Gaijin]

Funny stuff Orchi!

[Elaine]

oh my god

[jasonbellevue]

Will you stop it? I can't go to sleep now!

[Orchi]

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

[Orchi]

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, " Sure honey...your eyesight's near perfect".